irenejayne.

dancing in a minefield

This train it goes this way, tonight we can't go back

Its all that I can wait for,

While I was standing here, you took your high heels off

And let the sun sink in, and kick it back

Leave all your mores behind,

'cause we will party from the inside

don't check that watch you're here to stay

and we will dance and dance and dance the night away

(do do do do)

And we were dropping bombs with our sneakers on,

and we were dancing in a minefield with a bottle of Whiskey.

'Cause you can't tell us what to do.

And we were winning the war with a lighter and a peace pipe.

And through the barricades they'll push their hate.

We were makin' noise with electric toys, and there were boys kissing boys at the moment when the cops came

They said hey, we won't run away.

And they pushed us back, and we pushed them back yea we held our ground in their morality police state.

Kick us out and we'll be back again, tonight if not today.

The Girls looked beautiful in blue.

One took my hand said I love you,

I know I'll never know your name,

Yea well its okay, we'll love for just today

We were dropping bombs with our sneakers on and we were dancing in a minefield with bottle of whiskey.

'Cause you can't you can't you can't tell us what to do!

And we were winning the war with a lighter and a peace pipe.

And we'll break it down, break it down,

break it down down Today!

I know we'll deal with it tomorrow.

We feel that its okay to question why

question why, yea question why this lifestyle defies

the meaning of life.

But not to us.

one of the greatest songs by the greatest bands ever.
its amazing what genius you can find on mtv reality shows!
that song is by a band called Plushgun from Brooklynn NY. their incredible and i <3 them.
court get the music now!!

anyways, let me talk about what i wanted to talk about yesterday but couldnt.
yesterday i come to melindas house and i notice that the baby wasnt there. let me just tell you about the baby really quick..
allesandra aka ally is 21 months old and is always at melindas house. her mom is a slut and doesnt know how to take care of her the right way. so melinda has her about 6 days a week. vanessa [allys mom] literally had her for one day and called melinda to come get her that night because she needed a break. she barely had her for 12 hours. melinda and her family talk so much shit about vanessa and how pathetic she is. yet when i came over yesterday melinda tells me she needed a break and she'll get her back tomorrow. doesnt that sound a little familier.
it really pissed me off. but theres nothing i can really do about it.
and then the thing about ally isnt really that big. shes living at melindas now. she was supposed to move in around june but i guess she moved in sooner than expected. shes already on my nerves. but again theres nothing i can really do about it.

so its offically 2009.
happy new year bithces!
this is my second edge new years. its a milestone! im sitting here with a bottle of sparkling grape juice and cup of raspberry tea.
life is pretty good.
i am kinda annoyed that melinda just offered me a wine cooler when she knows im straightedge. when i reminded her she basically brushed it off and said "its not like your getting shit faced"
okay true but its still fucking alcohal.
im going to stop talking about it before i really get heated.

so lets talk about resolutions.
i dont really have any besides graduating high school.
which i dont even think ill achieve. im failing everthing except government. pretty pathetic coming from a passing report card.
i will try my hardest to graduate though and if i dont i know that i tried.
i refuse to be a super senior so if i dont pass ill do the whole ged thing.
and if i do, ill know that at least i didnt drop out.
so lets all grab a glass. and toast a good luck to me graduating.
[i want everyone to know that i actually just took my bottle of grape juice and did a toast to myself!]
and on that note.
happy new year. be safe.
and lets make 09 fucking great!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008 * 8:42 PM

steven dyed his hair

the world has come to an end.
im very concerned with this. how am i going to spot him in a crowd?
before it was "oh look for the short blonde kid"
nowww its "where the fuck is steven!?!?"
this is terrible. hes still a major hottie though ;)
id still rape him.

so i cant blog about what i wanted to blog about right now.
im short on time and i have to many things to say.
but i will tomorrow.
reminders to myself:
1. melinda
2. ally
and thats it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008 * 8:33 PM

"only irene and i can give out manafaceanitis! noone else!"

this is my 100th post.
hurray for mee!!

so i just read robs post about him being straightdege. although my story isnt as.. tragic as his, i thought id share mine as well.
mines also not as long! :P
i grew up with just my mom around, my dads a dirtbag.
and basically along with rob i was sheltered as a kid. sure i knew what drinking was. my mom did it like twice a year. but i never really knew what drugs were.
i also went to catholic school. from 3rd to 7th grade. i failed 7th at ludden so i switched to frazer. there i learned what drugs were and how "cool" it was if you did them. i also figured out if you drank or smoked pot you were known as the cool kid. mind you this is in 7th grade.
i also figured out that if you wanted to survive in a public school you act like the kids around you. and in my case it was ghetto trouble-makers. so i acted tough and got in trouble and i always got praise for it.
once i got the praise from my classmates for my attitude i had to up the bar to something bigger.
drinking and smoking.
i look back on it now and i cant believe how stupid i was.
i started drinking. having friends sneak over beers and whatnot when they came over to hang out. sneaking my moms liquor. to the point where i would only think about drinking. it was pathetic.
i tried a few ciggarettes. they were disgusting.
and i tried weed once.
apparently i cant inhale right. yes i know its just like breathing but when you have a mouth full of smoke its semi-difficult.
so from my unsuccesful attempts at smoking/drugs i gave up on that and focused on the drinking.
then i met courtney.
courts been straightedge all her life. obviously when she was younger she didnt know it :P
she basically introduced me into this whole other lifestyle. shows, sxe, new music/syle, etc. i fell in love with it all. once i learned what straightedge was, i thought i was for babies. but after hanging out with courtney and all these new people i learned that it was a life choice and how important it can be.
and after taking a look at my family history i noticed that alcoholics and drug addicts were more popular than virgins in a brothel. i decided i didnt want to risk that happening to me.
so i became straightedge.
the last drink i ever had was a sip of champagne at my cousins wedding almost two years ago. its been hard at times. when people offer me a drink and i decline. there curious as to why. i explain and they dont get it. some do though and when they do its awesome.
i dont plan on changing my edge-ness. itll probably evolve into more at some point. but for right now its the basic
"no drugs, no drinks, no casual sex"!

and like rob said..
go edge!

Saturday, December 27, 2008 * 7:58 PM

"make sure your son doesnt hit me with his club!"

today i got my lip peirced. again.
it looks so pretty!
let me explain it to you.
i have the right side of my lip peirced already.
so what i had art [peircer] do was peirce me on that same side but below and diagonal to the one i have already.
do you get it?
if not, oh well. eventually i want to get a third one.

nothing really else has been going on. i cant remember if i mentioned it already but i never went to the merrimac show.
brandon wasnt going and i couldnt get ahold of courtney when i needed to know if she was going so i just said fuck it.
now im looking for different shows to go to. i know team goldie is coming here january 19th.
im excited for that.
i made a gingerbread house yesterday with allyson. it came out so pretty. there are pictures up on my myspace.
oh! i found out when the tattoo expo is. basically the end of january.
im pretty stoked. i can finally get a tattoo there. last year i couldnt. i wasnt of age.
and this year im getting mine, my moms, and melindas. sort of like birthday presents.
im getting my little brothers name on the top of my wrist in really elaborate cursive. melinda is getting meme on her upper arm and my mom is getting a green M&M. shes a dork.
anywho, im wicked excited about it.
im also excited about my new sn. its pretty amazing.
bertisamannequin
love ittttt!

hey guess what!?!?!?!
blog ended!

Thursday, December 25, 2008 * 7:53 PM

YOU STEPPED ON MY NIPPLE!

i dont want this to be a holy shit long post.
because to be honest i dont really feel like blogging.
:/
today was christmas and holy crow was it amazing!
true it had its ups and downs but what britton family function doesnt?
we didnt start opening presents until 3:30ish.
it was sort of annoying because i was really anxious to see what i got.
anywho, we started off with a certain present order.
melinda opened her camera and whatnot first. only to not have a camera in the box.
richard took it out to take a picture of when she opened it and realized it was empty.
it was pretty funny.
then debbie opened her laptop bag not realizing it was for a laptop.
then my mom opened her poem.
everybody wanted her to rad it but she started crying so she couldnt.
then they handed it to me.
big mistake. i was crying more then my mom!
seeing my mom cry makes me cry. everybody loved it especially my mom which is what i was happy about.

a breakdown of what i got:
3 pairs of jeans
5 shirts
3 pjs
my oujia board!
all the dvds i wanted
dvd player [im bringing it back to get a pink one though!]
body sprays
and a bunch of other shittt!!

my christmas was awesome.
i didnt get my laptop player which i was really bummed out about.
butttt aparently im gettng one this month or next from my uncle.
its one of his old ones but he takes real good care of his computers [hes in that feild] so i know its not going to be a peice of shit.
i also stretched my ears to a 0 tonight.
they look amazing!

so thats basically it.
we hate and had a good time and now were all just relaxing.
tomorrow is the merrimac show. im so fucking pumped for that!
hopefully courtney can go so we can exchange our presents!
okayy i need to fix this code and melinda wants to get on.
so this blog is doneeeee!

Monday, December 22, 2008 * 7:54 PM

so im pregnant.. congrats to me!

not really! buttt in my dream i was!
this is what happened..

basically i was pregnant.
before i took a test i just knew i was.
well i went to the store to buy a pregnancy test. i was going to steal it but it was right next to the counter.
appartenly i didnt want my mom to know what i got myself into.
so i picked up a test and the cashier asked me if i wanted a price check.
i said okay and she stabs me with the test.
not a im going to kill you stab, just a little poke.
then she plugs it into the register and announces "your going to have a boy"
haha. weird i know.
so then i just buy another test and go home.
sure enough im pregnant.
then a bunch of stuff happens that i cant even remember.
what i do remember is having a conversation with ryan.
i told you to read this ry, heres why..
basically ryan and i were having a conversation on aim.
just regular talk.
then i asked him what he would think if i was pregnant.
he said it would pretty cool. he loves babies!
he then asked why..
"because im pregnant" was my reply.
"can i be the uncle ryan!?" was his.

and that was it..
weird right?
i think it all stems from this dreamcatcher my mom got me from Fasttrac. true its taking away all the bad dreams but in its place its giving me fucked up baby ones. that was like the 984987 dream about babies ive had.
this annoying girl sarah told me that that im probably going to get pregnant..
shes a twit. i cant stand her.
so im almost done with courtneys present! i dont think ill have it ready by tomorrow though. ill probably stay up to finish it though.
not having school would be a dream because then i would have more time to finish it.
so im really torn between what show i want to go to.
i havent seen honor bright in awhile and i miss them!
but then again i havent seen merrimac in close to a year! its been ages!
my gut is telling me to go to see merrimac.
i think i will.
so im almost done with courtneys present. im excited to see what she thinks of it.
i really hope she likes it. hopefully i can finish tonight!
im excited to see what she got me. apparently its like 234597349587 things.
im going shopping for brandons present on friday before the show.
and i already got francescas.
she'll love it.

ive discoverd the magic of the smashing pumpkins.
so has allesandra.

mine and ally's song

"To Sheila"
The Smashing Pumpkins

Twilight fades
Through blistered avalon
The sky's cruel torch
On aching autobahn
Into the uncertain divine
We scream into the last divide

You make me real
You make me real
Strong as i feel
You make me real

Sheila rides on crashing nightingale
Intake eyes leave passing vapor trails
With blushing brilliance alive
Because it's time to arrive

You make me real
You make me real
Strong as i feel
You make me real

Lately I just can't seem to believe
Discard my friends to change the scenery
It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
But now it's just a matter of grace

A summer storm graces all of me
Highway warm sing silent poetry
I could bring you the light
And take you home into the night

You make me real
Lately I just can't seem to believe
You make me real
Discard my friends to change the scenery
Strong as i feel
It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
You make me real
But now it's just a matter of grace

Saturday, December 20, 2008 * 9:12 PM

i miss mayday parade too. get there music back bitch!

Im glad you understand. I didnt want all this to be like.. bad ya know?
Like I didnt want to get really really really really annoyed with everything and then blow up and we not be friends anymore. So thank god for blogger!

Today turned out to be alot of fun. Turns our Francesca could go to the mall with me. We never got to the mall until like 1.
2 hours late :(
We met up with Michael. He was mad that we were late. Oh well. Get over it.
I then proceded to loose them so I went to the food court to meet up with my mom.
We ate then went to get Francesca's present.
I planned on getting her the Alfred Hitchcock Collection at FYE.
Michael told me it was 20 bucks. Turns out it was 100 dollars more than that.
So that plan backfired. But then I came up with the genius idea to get her a living dead doll. She likes them and only has one.
I then got myself 2 pairs of gauges.
A tunnel/taper 0 pink sparkly pair and a tunnel/taper 00 purple sparkly pair.
Their gorgeous.
I also got purfume from Libby Lu. Its Sharpay's [from HSM] purfume. I wanted it because it has this gorgeous old fashioned squeezy thing! I got Alyssa one too.
I then met up with Ches and Michael where we met up with Adam. He apparently wanted to do a quest.. to the food court! It was fun. We argued how girls lie way more than boys. And how you shouldnt trust girls/guys.
Blah blah blah blah blah!
It was histarical though.
We roamed for a little bit while waiting for Melinda and my mom to get done shopping for me. We sat outside of Steve & Barrys playing with the baby.
OH AND WE SAW SANTAAAA!
I flipped out!
I gave him a hug, that dude was cool.
So Im going to skip a bunch of really boring stuff......

I never went to the show. The mall was hectic, it took us 45 min to get out of the parking lot. Crazy!
I wanted to go sooo bad but I didnt have time to do laundry or take a shower so I said fuck it.
We went to walmart instead.
We got some other stuff for people that my mom wanted to get.
I got a little irritated when we were shopping for wallets for the boys. I picked out these really nice heavy duty ones. And my mom just shut down my suggestion because they were like 3 dollars more. Instead she got these really flimsy ones that look like they'll break if you put a 20 in it.
Oh well. Her money, not mine.

So now Im going home to wrap some presents and continue working on Courtneys present. I think she'll like it. Hopefully we'll exchange gifts tuesday.
If I can get hers done on time!
Theres a hint for ya bitch!
:P
And about all the helping you change stuff. I want to. Your my friend. I dont have time to talk about it now because we have to leave but everything will work out!
YA JUST GOTTA BELIEVE!!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008 * 8:39 PM

in reply

yes, ive been aggravated lately.
and no its not only towards you, its to everyone.
but i agree with you. it doesnt seem like were friends anymore.
we never see each other. didnt i tell you this would happen?
and no, i dont have you stay after just to use your phone.
didnt i want you to stay after before my phone got shut off?
you staying after is a way that we can hang out because we never do.

and about the show situation.
when was the last time your mom took us to a show?
august 1st.
when was the last time my mom took us to a show?
dcember 6th.
when was the last time your mom picked us up from a show?
never.
when was the last time my mom picked us up from a show?
december 6th.

thats a 4 month difference.
and yeah i hate that you have a mom that doesnt chip in as well.
its quite rediculous, dont you think?
and no im not stoked. i dont like going to shows alone.
i call people to see if they want to go because going alone is just awkward.
and i love going to shows with you.
but didnt you just say that shows didnt give you the same feeling?

and why exactly wont we be seeing each other, ever?
i still want you as a friend courtney, theres no doubt about it.
your one of the greatest people i know.
its just.. i dont know.
im sick of not seeing my best friend.
and im sick of the whole ride thing.
you dont understand how i have to hear it from my mom all the time.
im sick of wondering if your having a fun time or not?
im sick of trying to help you change because you want to and you not helping yourself.
im sick of alot.
and not all of it as to do with you/our friendship.

so i just found out brian magee won!
i am sososo happy for him!
hes going to become a star!
so tomorrow my mom, melinda, ally, myself, and possibly francesca are going to the mall. i have to get ches's christmas/birthday present. and i guess my mom and melinda are getting me something.
they've come up with this plan for francesca to come with us so we can split up so i cant see my present. weird people man.
melinda and i have talked these past few days. we talked about the things we said to each other and how mature ive gotten. and then tonight we talked about how she likes to be around me now.
and i can totally understand what shes means. i used to be so selfish and self-centered.
i once told them that i didnt care if we were homeless [my mom hadnt payed the rent yet] as long as i got my monroe peirced.
wow. i know.
and now i care more about others and im not as selfish. yes i still want things. but if my mom says no i dont get mad and act like a child the way i used to.
im happy with the person im becoming.

im going to switch gears a little bit.
tuesday after school im going to take my permit! im excited. ive been studying.
and ive been doing really good.
again switching gears..
ive been thinking about jason lately. i have no idea why either. yesterday i read a survey that he did almost 2 years ago that i had saved. every answer that was on there i could hear him saying it. its weird. like how he used to say sleeping. he would really emphasize the e's. i loved it.
i thought that after 2 years of not talking to him that i would forget him but obviously i havent and it sucks because he probably isnt real.
you would have to know the situation. im not getting into it.

so i have to go. melinda wants to get on.
i meant what i said court. i still want to be friends.
ill never want to stop. your a great person...

Sunday, December 14, 2008 * 7:51 PM

lots o' love!

i love christmas but hate the snow!
i love trevor and kat von d and duffy's music!
i love loving but hate it too.
i love going to kids basketball games.
i love helping people.
i love having amazing people in my life. they make me a better person.
i love going to shows. its the only place i can let everything go.
i love being me, if i werent this world would be fucked :P

Wednesday, December 10, 2008 * 8:12 PM

be a bearcat not a bully!

its been a rollercoaster lately.
so many ups and downs, but i feel the downs come more often.
my phone is off again. which isnt even my biggest problem. i hate to see my mom sad. and shes sad all the time. appartenly she doesnt want a christmas. she feels bad that she cant buy melinda and her family anything.
i really wish people would learn that christmas isnt about the presents. as corny and old fashioned as it sounds, it really is about family and spending time with the ones you love.
i feel bad myself that they've bought us so much and we dont have anything for them. but they genuinly do not care. they get us stuff because they love us.
ive been worring that i wont have something for my mom though. but ive come up with a pretty sweet idea.
my mom loves my writing. i have no idea why because in my opinion i have so much to learn. but i figure ill write her a really nice poem and then put it in a nice frame. its simple but from the heart ya know. and michelle can draw really really good so im going to have her draw some yellow roses around it which are my moms favorite flower.
im excited to see how itll turn out.

ive been doing alot of community service. im in love with it. i love feeling that ive helped someone. a complete stranger and there family. its an amazing feeling. yesterday a young kid came to register to get a food basket and a present for his daughter. he was so happy that he would have food for her on christmas and at least one present for her. he lost his job and times are tough these days. his parting words were "god bless and thank you". it just touched me.
hopefully i can do alot more with the salvation army. its a good organization. and the people that work there are great.

so its offical. im the street team leader for fazeshift. i love those boys. and there music. ive been talking to josh and we got some good ideas flowing. courtneys going to work on the st layout over christmas break so hopefully we can get it up and running right after christmas! how sweet would that be!?

so on febuary 18th im traveling to albany to meet, the one and only KAT VON D! i fucking love her so much! her book comes out in january and she'll be doing her book tour after that. shes coming to albany and im going! i am so pumped. its my dream to meet her.
im getting her last name tattooed on the inside of my lip!
itll be amazing! and yes i know im insane but she has that sort of impact on me that i feel its a dedication to her if i get it. hopefully in january i can get it!
okay i gotta bounce yo!!

beyonces new song "if i were a boy" has been stuck in my head all day!

Saturday, December 6, 2008 * 9:41 PM

im about to have an epileptic attack!

zak and i were standing on a sidewalk looking up. we were looking at courtney. she was in a bubble. yelling at us. we assumed she was yelling at us to get her out of the bubble but we couldnt hear her. we stod there discussing how she got up there and how to get her down.

that was my dream last night. bizarre?
well whats not bizarre is my life lately? its falling back into place again. steven and i are talking again. i wished him a happy birthday and we just kept on texting. i apoligized for the way i acted. im glad were friends again. as much as i wanted to be mad, i couldnt. and as much as i didnt want to miss him, i did. hes a good friend and just a rad person, i missed that.
but anyways, christmas is 18 days away. for some reason im really excited this year.

okay because my mom is being a douchebag, i have to leave.
life is horribe now.
what the fuck.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 * 9:21 PM

i found my art tattoo

so ive been in love with Kizioko's work for a really long time. the colors and simplistic difficulty of it amazes me. i was on her deviantART and found this. im getting it. on my left upper arm i think..

Brain Stem

* 7:44 PM

i like onion bootayy!

fazeshift=love!
i do absolutely love them. there all really really good guys and there music is insane!
i got to see them saturday for the third time! and of course they didnt let down. it was there christmas ep release show. i got it. its amazing! my mom even loves it! court and i hung outside for a bit because both of us hate this changes everything. joey came up behind me and scared me! how rude!
it was nice to hang out with court. we talked about her birthday and what tattoos were going to get. i think were both still a little unsure. it'll work out though. onve my mom picked us up we picked andrew up and went to my house for dinner. after bringing them home i went to melindas. im starting to like it here again.
and im finally starting to realize what good people they are. they really would do anything for anybody, even if they hated them. their the most kind people ive ever met. and im glad i know them.

sunday was uneventful.

monday however was amazing!! i got to see forever the sickest kids for the first time everr! i met up with brandon, caitlin, deasia, zak, and my mom surprisingly!! it was just a really chill time hanging out with cool ass people. honor bright was amazing as always. museums was pretty snazzy too. and the surprise of the night, the morning light was incredible. i love there sound. ftsk was of course great. they put on a really good show. im in love with austin now. hes so cute and funny on stage. at one point he was growling! at the end of there set they went to there merch table to get pictures with fans and shit like that. i got a picture with jonathon, marc, kent, and austin. i was hunting austin down man. finally zak found him and i got my picture.
once we were kicked out, dee and i went to alto cinco and got jones soda. waiting outside i saw trevor. ive missed that guy. we talked throughout like the whole night. he tried my jones soda. which he loved. and we took a picture.
its sexy.
its my new default :)

today was my first day back to school. it was horrible. i could not stop coughing the whole time. i got sick in a garbage can. and when my mom came to get me i got sick several times. its horrible. i went home and fell asleep and slept until 6:30. then mom and i went to pick up melinda to go to michelle and jasons house for dinner. it was fun. i got to hold the puppy for a million years and the tacos were flippin delish for some reason. then we talked about puppys, fish, and snakes.
check this out.. melinda said if i can start taking better care of penelope its a possibility that i can get a snake. dont get me wrong, penelope is well taken care of. my moms the one that feeds her and everything. i have a problem with that. i take care of them for a few months then leave it to my mom. i really should do better. because once i get a place of my own, my moms not going to be there. hopefully this all works out because ive wanted a snake for a really really really really really really really really really really long time. i want a corn snake and i want to either name it daphne or spanky! amazing names right!?!?!

can i tell you a secret?
you cant tell anyone okay?
............................................................
............................................................
i have to pee!
really fucking badly!!
debbie needs to hurry up with the bathroom before i explode!

ohmygod! you have no idea how much better that feels!
so because courtney and i arent going to prom anymore, we want to throw a prom themed show. i personally think its an amazing idea. i still get to get a dress but i get to do something so much more fun than getting down with niggers and spics! id want honor bright, the doppler effect, fazeshift, dot dot curve, and team goldie to play. that to me is probably one of the best lineups everr! its still in the talking stage with both parents, but i see it happening.

your such a flirt
to every guy that you meet
and why is purity so beautiful to me
a filthy rag, a dirty whore i have been
captivated as the prisoner of my sin